So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
