So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
