when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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