is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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