Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
