I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
