i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
