Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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