Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
