A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
