from now on my penis is your penis
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
