my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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