If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
