It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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