every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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