My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
