he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
