Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
