how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
