At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
