pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the condom got lost in my hair
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's blow job season.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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