I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
