I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
