shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
