did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
