I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
