My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
