Im at strip club and am horny
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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