i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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