Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
