Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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