it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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