thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
