Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
