On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
