in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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