Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
