so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
