she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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