what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
