Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
