Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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