I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
