I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As shirtless as possible
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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