But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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