I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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