I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
