dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
