I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
