Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I will be naked everywhere
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
