I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
