New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
