He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
