Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
