Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
