There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
