You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
