He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
