dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
