just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
