I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
