we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
