What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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