Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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