Sponge bath it is.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
