I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
