My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize